Four Types of Friends Every Pastor Needs
Here is the article on accountability and friendship I shared with our church family last night. I Trust it will be a blessing to you. It was written by Ike Reighard, the founding pastor of Northstar church in Kennesaw, Georgia.
“Pastors may be the most well-known, loneliest men on the face of the earth. Friendship is a vital part of New Testament ministry and leadership. Without quality, biblical friendships, we are modeling a flawed Christian lifestyle for our church members.
Most pastors find themselves in an unhealthy relationship where their wife is their only friend and counselor. I believe a pastor’s wife should be his best friend, but she should not be his only friend.
In my 30 years of ministry, I have learned that every pastor needs at least four types of friends:
The Developer
Your best friend will always be the person who brings out the very best in you. Developer friends will bring the gift of encouragement to a pastor’s life and bring out the very best in him.
The Designer
We tend to think of mentors as a personal, hands-on coach. The Latin and Greek define them more as “advisors” or “wise men.” The designer mentors us in our marriage, ministry, child-rearing, civic involvement, business acumen, or any area where we need a model. Designer mentors may live near or far, be acquaintances or strangers, or may even be dead. They “design” our lives through Scripture, books, tapes, articles, or seminars.
The Disturber
We need friends who will shake up our status quo. Disturbers ask us difficult questions, forcing us to take a closer look at motivations and ambitions. Disturbers know when we have retreated into our comfort zones, and they call us out to greater effectiveness. God uses disturbers in our lives to become the object of greater force that breaks inertia and propels us to greater achievement.
A biblical picture of a disturber is in Deuteronomy 32:11. In this passage the mother eagle tears up the soft nest to reveal sharp thorns that bring discomfort to the eaglets. Because of discomfort, the eaglets leave the nest and learn to fly. The mother develops her young by repeatedly pushing them out of the nest and catching them until they become skilled flyers. Eagles were never meant to stay in the nest and neither were we. The disturber pushes us to learn to fly.
The Discerner
In a lifetime of relationships, perhaps only a handful of people are willing to play this vital role because it requires mutual vulnerability. Discerners bring the gift of spiritual insight into our lives. They know how to speak the truth in love. They know how to exhort and rebuke, seeking to keep their friend on the right track.“
Are you developing Biblical friendships that will help you in this way?
A Dining Experience
Recently I received a gift certificate for The Glenerin Inn. It was a birthday gift from one of our members. Last night Cindy and I took the opportunity to dine there. An evening out for a date with no children and no phone to ring is one of those rare enjoyments of life that we treasure.
We read that The Glenerin Inn offers dining and accomadations on a “rambling stone estate, a gracious architectural beauty reminiscent of an English manor house. Landscaped gardens with rolling lawns and cool streams wind their way through wooded valleys just beyond.“ Needless to say, my wife and I were looking forward to a memorable evening.
The old world charm in the Grand Hall along with a fine meal of steak and salmon did not disappoint. David, our server, did an excellent job. After a leisurely meal, Clement, the hotel receptionist, gave us a quick tour of two guest rooms. We were warmly invited to return for an overnight package including dinner and a continental breakfast.
Spiritual food – the Word of God – is of greater value for it feeds the soul. the Bible says “ Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.” Matthew 4:4. Yet, many times we treat our spiritual dining experience as if it were of equal importance to a burger and fries at the local fast food outlet. If we want the drive through convenience in our spiritual lives we will not enjoy the full experience that God has for us in our walk with Him.
This is sad, for the Lord invites us freely into the Grand Hall of His Word and His fellowship. Jesus said, “Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.” Revelation 3:20
Take the time, some time, and enjoy that fine dining experience!
Gone Fishing
Friday Evening and Saturday Morning I had the chance to do one of the things I love best – Bass Fishing. My boys and I packed 300 lbs of gear and headed north to our favourite fishing hole near Parry Sound. Several things about this trip made it one of the best. 1. Spectacular weather, and that is really saying something when you consider the type of summer we have had in sout
hern Ontario. 2. The Company – My three oldest boys and my father were all along. Family is very important to me and I love the opportunity to enjoy a great outdoor experience with the kids. 3. The Fishing - Not bad as everyone caught their limit. Caleb had the catch of the day – A 3lb Large Mouth!
Fishing, when done properly requires plenty of organization, the right tools, and some hard work. For us that “sweat equity” includes hauling gear in and out over roots, rocks and fallen trees along a 3/4 mile trail. That is followed by setting up two inflatable boats complete with trolling motors and tackle. We do not love the work as much as we love the reward!
By Sunday evening I was more than tired. It had been a full weekend including our Sunday services at MIBC, and I must admit I was looking forward to a time of relaxation at home. However, Sunday night was our NETS Soulwinning night – a time to go fishing for men.
Whenever I prepare to knock on the doors of complete strangers and present the gospel I experience fear. It is not something that I naturally love to do. I’ll admit it – I’m a big chicken and I would rather be doing other things. But something wonderful happens between my initial fear and the completion of the task. By the time I was on my way home my heart was full – reflecting on the rewarding time Sunday evening. There were close to 90 out for the soulwinning effort. What a joy to be involved in this as a church family. There were many opportunities to present Christ or at least leave gospel literature in the homes. And, oh yes, the weather was great!
New Territory
This is somewhere I never thought I’d be. Many times over the years of ever-developing computer technologies I have embraced new possibilities that the software or hardware offers. This world of technology has helped me in ministry effectiveness and personal productivity, not to mention, it’s been a lot of fun! The world of the blog however, was unlike the rest to me. Something for others, but not my cup of tea. Why waste time with it when there is so much else to do?
So what am I doing here? Great question. There are many answers to that question, some of which are yet undiscovered by me, but will reveal themselves in the weeks and months to come as my journey unfolds. What is apparent to me as I embark is a single overarching answer and it has to do with the word “vision”. I am here because of vision. The Bible says in Proverbs 29:18 Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he. My vision for this blog “Building on the Rock” is connected to the title and the photo I’ve chosen as a banner.
Jesus said that He would build His church on the Rock. That Rock is Christ himself. Many today are building on the shifting sands of worldly philosophy, public opinion and the appetites of the flesh. Christians must be different we must build our lives on the unchanging nature of Christ and His Word. It bothers me deeply that many are failing to build lives, and homes that have strong spiritual substance. My blog is just one small voice, but my desire is to make a difference.
The photo is of Cannon Beach on the coast of Oregon. The large rock to the right is called Haystack Rock and is a 235-foot tall monolith or sea stack. It is the third-tallest such structure in the world. As a young child I recall visiting this amazing place on a family vacation and marveling at the size of this rock. When I read Jesus words concerning the foundation of His church I often think of Haystack Rock. A massive, unchanging, unmoveable object that is not affected by tides or ocean storms. Jesus is all of that and more in the storms of our lives, and in the midst of wildly changing social and political paradigms. Thank God for such a rock as Christ! He is worth building our life upon.
